Friday, February 3, 2017

Getting Old Ain't So Bad - If You're Sassy!

Hi-ya. Me again. Back for my final fling as this week's guest blogger. And today... anything goes! Woo-HOO! So what are we gonna talk about? Something you've all heard about before, I'm sure... those dreaded midlife crises. You know, that time of life when we allegedly go temporarily nuts, and do all sorts of wild and crazy things because we suddenly notice we're (gasp!) getting old.  Driven by desperation, we supposedly do anything and everything we can to prove we're still young... even if it's nothing but a silly delusion.

HOGWASH!!! I don't think that midlife crisis nonsense amounts to a hill of beans. Granted, my hubby and I sped past the mid-points of our lives a long time ago, but we still haven't experienced any great angst about getting old, or behaved any nuttier than we ever have. Know why? Because, believe it or not, this is actually a great time of life. Exhilarating, even. We truly ARE the captains of our own ships now. If we want to do something, we do it.

Well into the post-retirement years, our time is our own, and what we do with it is up to us. If an old guy wants to buy a convertible sports car, why shouldn't he? That doesn't have a thing to do with being in crisis. Doggone it, he worked hard all of his life, raised his family, and now, he can finally afford to treat himself to some of the things he's always wanted. We seniors can indulge ourselves by fulfilling some of our delayed wants, the things we put off all of those years when raising our families, and our careers often took top priority. If an old gal wants to dye her hair purple, why the heck not? Maybe it's her favorite color. If an old guy leaves his longtime wife to run off with a twenty-something bimbo, that doesn't mean he's having a mid-life crisis, either. All that means is he's an ass, and probably always has been.

There's actually a lot of good things to say about getting older. Like we generally have the confidence to stand for more convictions, and the moxie to fall for less malarkey. We may still be competitive, but we also realize being kind is much more important than being right. We've learned it isn't very smart to test the depth of the water with both feet, and we understand that the true art of conversation isn't just about saying the right thing. Sometimes, it means keeping our mouths shut when it's oh-so-tempting to deliver a verbal shot.

You may have heard this quote before. It's been sent to me many times, but without attribution, so I don't know who initiated it, but it's worth sharing:

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!"

That's our plan. To enjoy the ride as long as it lasts, and to carpe the hell out of each diem. Don't make a big deal out of getting old; just enjoy it. My body parts may be getting old, I may take more pills every day than I ever imagined possible, and the pain under my boob may turn out to be a bum knee, but I'm determined to stay young at heart and in attitude. Is that being sassy? Could be, but I refuse to let aging get me down. (For one thing, it's too damned hard to get back up again!)

Be assured, ladies, that no matter how old you are, you can still have the body of a 21-year old, if that's what you want. But (Bada-boom!) you may have to buy him a few drinks first... In closing, I'm gonna make a blatant plug for a book called Old Broads Waxing Poetic, a compilation of poetry from some very talented ladies. (And me.) Best thing about it? All proceeds go to CARE International, a fantastic organization, so none of us ever see a penny of it. If you're interested, you can find it on Amazon.
Isn't that cover awesome? The image Forever Young is courtesy of a very generous Italian artist named Francesco Romoli, who immediately agreed to let me use it... for free... when I contacted him. In closing, I'd like to share one of my poems from that book with you. It's called Ode to Old Age.

I found a hair there under my chin,
And I yanked that sucker out,
But wouldn't you know, the very next day,
Two more began to sprout.

I don't know what's happening;
It's a perplexing change of pace,
My arms and legs are going bald,
But I have to shave my face.

It's such a rotten travesty;
My tummy once was flat.
But now my hourglass is mostly ass,
And my waist has turned to fat.

My body's slowly sagging,
And I don't look so hot;
If a man wants to ogle my bosom now,
I'm afraid he'll have to squat.

But that's okay, 'cause I'm still here,
Of life I'm still a part.
So what if when I bend or stretch,
I leak a little fart?

I've lots of life and love in store,
Though I'm not young and shiny;
If ya wanta know the truth,
Old age can kiss my heinie.

Well, that's it, folks. It's been a pleasure. Thanks to the lovely Tammy for inviting me over to do a few guest posts. Remember: A good attitude is contagious, but for Heaven's sake, don't wait to catch it from someone. Be a carrier. Best wishes from Susan, longtime housewife, and visiting SOB (Sassy Old Broad)

We had so much fun with this Fun, Sassy lady! Susan, thanks for teaching us to take life less seriously and enjoy it as much as we can!

Susan with her hubby's 1930 Model A rat rod. (Lucky for her, he apparently likes old things.) If you're a glutton for punishment, and want more of Susan's SOB sense of humor, you're cordially invited to visit her blog I Think; Therefore, I Yam where she blogs most Fridays.

36 comments:

  1. Staying young at heart is sure the way. And yeah, if someone works all their life and wants a sportscar, as long as they can afford it and don't go all debt nut, power to them.

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    1. Yep. No matter how old a person is numerically, there's no need to ACT old. We've gotta enjoy the ride as long as we can.

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  2. Susan has been a great guest blogger this week - always good for a laugh and the use of the word "malarkey". She and her hubby set a good example for living life to the fullest. Carry on!

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    1. Thanks, Joanne. (Isn't "malarkey" a super word?)

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    2. I'm adding malarkey to my vocabulary right now.

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  3. As a consequence of getting older, I just peed a little whilst laughing at that poem.

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    1. HA! Trust me, that fun little tinkle feature doesn't improve with age. :)

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  4. My theory is that if I act crazy all my life, no one will notice a 'mid-life' crises. It'll just be normal living.

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    1. Good plan! Maybe that explains why my hubby and I seem to be "normal" now. We've simply bent the boundaries a little over the years. :)

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  5. Great post. Whether at your lair or guest-writing on someone else's your sense of humour follows. :-)

    Greetings from London.

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    1. Thanks! No matter how hard I try to hide my sense of humor, the giggles simply won't be stilled. :)

      Greetings back atcha.

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  6. You are so right Susan. Age is not for sissies but I don't want to give in to it any more than I have to. Enjoyed reading what you had to say this week.

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    1. No, it isn't. Every day, we venture into new territory. I vaguely remember reading a book some years ago titled, "Old Age Ain't For Sissies," or something very similar to that. I think it was written by Art Linkletter. It was funny... but true.

      Thank you, ma'am. I'm glad you did. Have a super weekend.

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  7. I do like your attitude Susan, old age can kiss my heinie too. Aging hasn't been much of a problem for me yet, there are days when I ache so much I feel 90, but they're few and far between.
    I'm noticing the odd extra wrinkle here and there too, but overall, not looking too old yet.
    But here's something: when I was younger and saw old people wearing "young" clothes, I wondered, were they trying to look young, did they not realise how out of place they might look? But now that I'm old, I see the reason is purely comfort. I'm 64 and still wearing t-shirts and denim shorts most of the time. Because they're comfortable, easy to put on. And I'm long past the age of "what will people think".

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    1. I know exactly what you're saying about the age-appropriate clothes. The thing is, just because I've gotten older, my taste in clothing hasn't changed. I reeeeeeally have to keep an eye on myself, though. Otherwise, I'd be hobbling around in mini skirts and go-go boots. Okay, a slight exaggeration. But who cares if I wear jeans and a Pink Floyd tee shirt... or a tie-dye tee shirt, like I'm wearing right now?

      Have a super weekend!

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  8. Hi Susan and Tammy - what a great guest blogger this week and just tying it all up for us ... Sassy and Saggy - who worries ... not us lot. I can imagine you and Smarticus had a great life and have kids and grandkids who will add to your lives as you rock 'n roll gently towards that sideways slide ... take care, have a great weekend ... cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi-ya, Hilary. Thank you, ma'am. I'm glad you've enjoyed the posts.

      Yes, Smarticus and I have been very fortunate. It hasn't always been a bed of roses, but the thorns only hurt for a little while. :)

      You have a wonderful weekend, too. Cheers!

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  9. I don't think I've ever felt "grown up". Maybe that means I'll never feel old.

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    1. We don't have any choice about agina, but growing up should be optional. My hubby even has a tee shirt that says something along those lines.

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  10. Love this post. Like Indiana Jones says though, it's not the years; it's the mileage. :D

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    1. Thanks! We've got both the years and the mileage, but I think attitude can trump both of them. :)

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  11. Wahahahahahahaha your poem is me.
    Great post ever.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. That poem is DEFINITELY me, too, so I guess we have a lot in common. :)

      Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  12. Hi Susan, You had me at "the pain under my boob may turn out to be a bum knee," and then surprised me with your wonderful poem from "Old Broads Waxing Poetic!" Excellent guest post, Susan! Congrats to the Really Real Housewives! I tried following you, but I'm not sure if it went through. I'll be back!

    Julie

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  13. I kept nodding throughout reading your post. I'm in total agreement. You are right, this is a great time in life!

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  14. Love that poem!! All of the poems from that book are all so great. I laughed out loud at the old guy leaving his wife isn't a crisis, he's just a jackass. Haha indeed.

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad it tickled your funny bone.

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  15. Pain under your boob may be your knee. You are one funny broad. I will do my best to be a carrier!

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    1. Think droopy boobs are funny, huh? Wait 'til it happens to YOU! :) (Um, yeah, it IS funny...)

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  16. You could be qualified to receive a $1,000 Amazon Gift Card.

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