Better Spaghetti & Dog Belts

Having grown kids isn't so bad, especially when you can count on them for good ideas.

My oldest son is living in New York and frequents Italian restaurants where he learned why my spaghetti always had water pooling on the plates with the noodles. Seems my over-draining was the problem.
According to a pasta professional, the best way to serve pasta with a tomato sauce is to leave a little of the noodle water on the noodles. Add the sauce to the noodles and mix. The starch from the noodle water thickens the sauce.

No more watery sauce!

My youngest son showed me how to improvise a dog leash. Our dog slipped her collar and ran away. My son ran her down, but didn't have a leash to walk her home, so he used his belt. I know I've had to walk run-away dogs home bent over dragging them by the scruff of the neck more than a few times. Not once did I think to use my belt.

A simple belt...

Can become a leash in a pinch.

And here's a tip you probably won't want to use. My husband's old car and was looking a bit raggedy. He decided to give her a fresh coat pf paint.

The old girl's paint was oxidizing, so...

$21 in cans of spray paint from Wal Mart and...

she's fancier than any of the 1994 Nissans in the salvage yard!

                                                             

Handy Dandy Sassy Tips

I know you're going to enjoy this week's guest, the super sassy Susan Swiderski!

It's a real honor to be here with y'all today, but before I share some appropriate (and okay... some inappropriate) handy-dandy tips with you, I feel it is my civic duty to issue a warning. One of the ladies who runs this blog is... now how shall I put this delicately?... a tad underhanded. (gasp!) I know. Shocking, isn't it? When inviting me to serve a stint as guest blogger here, Tammy called me... sassy. Yeah, sassy. Not saggy... sassy. How in the world could an old broad like me possibly say no when she threw a word like that at me, I ask you? It's been quite a few years since anyone associated that word with me, so I'm just gonna wrap it around me, and savor the feeling. Yep, that's me... classy, sassy, and a bit smart assy. Okay, not entirely true. But I am a bona fide smart ass, so you'd be wise to take what I'm about to tell you with a handful of salt.

Okay, ready for some nifty neat-o some-of-'em-even-work time-saving and money-saving tips?

• Most of the things you waste time worrying about never happen, so cut it out! Worrying causes stress, gives you wrinkles, and wastes valuable time you could be using to do something much more worthwhile, like eating ice cream or sucking face with your fella. Besides, worrying never changes a darned thing. Never.
• Clean up messes as they happen. I know it's tempting to ignore that mini-mountain of cereal you just knocked onto the kitchen floor, but don't. An even better alternative? Have at least one dog and one cat in your home. Believe you me, pets make an unbeatable clean-up team. Plus, cats with a propensity to arf provide you with the perfect incentive to clean your floors and carpets... one small area at a time.
• To cut down on mildew, wipe down your shower walls and tiles after each shower. If you have a shower curtain, give it a couple good whacks to knock off excess water, and then leave the curtain closed to allow it to dry more quickly. Better yet? Join a gym. Then you can take all of your showers there, and let somebody else worry about mildew. As an added bonus, you can even spend a minute or two exercising while you're there. Might as well. Or you could do it my way... I do lots of diddly squats around the house every day. 
• If you insist on wasting money and water by continuing to take your showers at home, rather than join a gym as I suggested, you may eventually notice the shower head isn't quite as squeaky clean as it used to be. I suppose you could go all Martha Stewart and scrub it with a toothbrush or something, but how about this? Secure a plastic baggy of vinegar over the head overnight, and ta-DA! Just like magic, all of the residue disappears. (Even though you want to be frugal and all that, I wouldn't recommend re-using that vinegar in your next salad... it's a tad on the soapy side.)
• When lemons and/or limes are on sale, buy extra. Squeeze the juice out of some of them and freeze it in ice cube trays. Once it's completely frozen, you can store the cubes in a plastic bag. One cube equals about a tablespoon of juice. 
• Some recipes call for buttermilk. I don't know about you, but we don't drink that stuff, so it'd be a waste of time and money to run to the store to buy it for a particular recipe, when I know the rest of it would just end up down the drain. No problem. I don't have to go to the store, and neither do you. Just add a tablespoon of vinegar per cup of good ol' normal milk. It's a perfect substitute.
• Planning a dinner party, but hate the idea of wasting money on fancy after-dinner mints? So don't! Freeze a colorful tube of toothpaste, and then cut the tube open, and slice the paste into wafer-thin treats. Instant fresh breath!  PLUS, everyone saves time by skipping the usual after-dinner tooth-brushing routine. Win-win!
• If you're in a hurry, or have somewhere you absolutely have to be, never ever make eye contact with your spouse while eating a banana. 
• Need to drop some pounds in a hurry? Eat raw pork or rancid tuna. You can lose up to twelve pounds in only two days, without having to fork over one red cent on any of those dangerous diet pills. 
• To save money on toilet paper, borrow it from work. Not whole, unopened rolls, mind you. Just rolls that have already been started. No one will ever notice. And, um, I'm using the word borrow facetiously. No need to return it. When you get down to the empty cardboard roll, you can put that to use, too. If you cut it lengthwise, you can put it around a roll of opened wrapping paper like a cuff. Keeps the rolls looking much neater. If you care about such things. If you don't, just throw it away. No skin off my nose.
• Wanta save big money on your electric bill? Turn off the lights. Yep, all of them. If everybody wears a miner's hat, there's absolutely no need to turn on a lamp.
• While we're saving money, here's another handy tip. Don't waste any money on one of those little address books for friends' addresses and phone numbers, either. Don't you get free phone directories? There ya go!  Just cross out the names of people you don't know. 
• Here's a reeeeeeally big money-saver. When you go out with friends, leave your wallet at home. You can save yourself a bundle! However, you may eventually have to find new friends. 
• And finally: be nice. Really. Going out of your way to be nice, especially to your spouse, will save a lot of time that might otherwise be wasted in argument. Most of the time, being kind is much more important than being right. (If all else fails, reach for a banana. Make eye contact at your own peril.)

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Best wishes from Susan, long-time housewife, and visiting SOB

(Sassy Old Broad)

Susan and her husband transferred from Maryland to Georgia in 1971, and have lived in the same so-called starter home ever since. (Too lazy to pack up all their stuff!) She was a stay-at-home mom, and after the kids all flew the coop, she was perfectly happy to continue being a kept woman full-time homemaker, as well as a perpetual you-name-it-and-she'll-do-it volunteer. Since her hubby Smarticus retired fifteen years ago, they've been enjoying plenty of spur-of-the-moment adventures. (With the right attitude, everything is an adventure!) She has written one novel, Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade, and helped put together a poetry book for charity called Old Broads Waxing Poetic. She blogs most Fridays at I Think: Therefore, I Yam

#MondayMusings - Living in the Moments

Today we welcome Kristen Kehoe to the House - she's got some common sense tips for happier living!

Hello ladies of The REALLY Real Housewives and everyone else! Thank you for having me.

Before with worry

Yes, captain. I suffer from what I’m starting to understand as the mom illness, AKA I have to do it all, be it all, know it all, and I better be efficient while I’m at it.

What does this mean? Well, it means I like to worry about anything. Everything. All of it. Why? Please see above for the aforementioned illness.

Honestly? I want to know that what I’m doing is enough—for my family, myself, my career…I also like to make lists ;) I’m organized in my crazy.

But, lovely people, in my thirty-two young years (seriously, I adore my thirties), through the people around me, experiences I have had and those I’ve observed, I’ve learned that worry is not the key to a good life. Living is.

What’s that, you say? What is this thing called living, and who has time for it? Trust me, I hear you.

We all have bills to pay, work to stress over and complete, housework to contend with, a spouse to communicate with, maybe even spend alone time with, and children to feed, scold, praise, feed, cuddle, nurture, educate, love, etc. We all have those things, whatever they are, that we do every day to make sure we can keep our lives functioning. But living isn’t just about those necessary things that keep us going, however much they consume us; it includes stopping, looking around, and being in this moment (even if this moment includes going insane from cabin fever while the school dares to cancel for ice and snow again. Don’t they know we just had winter break? Another game of Candy Land or Connect Four or, sweet baby jeebus, BARBIES, will kill me).

For me, living in these moments means turning my phone onto airplane mode, or Do Not Disturb, and resisting the urge to check my steps for the day, or my book rankings, or sales dashboard, or reading the latest blog post about finding more readers and greater success. It means resisting the urge to scroll through my Instagram feed and compare myself to every other crafting-DIY-CrossFit mom who has five times the number of children and projects as me, and ten percent less body-fat and wrinkles.

• Living means putting on rain boots and taking my puppy and daughter for a walk, even when she’s whining and the dog is chewing on her leash trying to walk herself, and I’m half-crazy by the end of those two miles.
• Living means accepting that my body is thirty-two, not seventeen, not twenty-five, and the marks and curves (fine, lumps) it bears are those of life, not just age.
• And living means looking at myself in the mirror instead of the Instagram filter, and knowing that happiness is mine for the taking—if I’m willing—and it is not dependent on flawless skin, great lashes, or smooth hair (read: everything I would have to purchase in order to have).

After letting go of worry

It’s not ground breaking, but if there is any advice that I might be qualified to give (and trust me, the jury is still out on that) it is that for a few moments a day, we have to stop, look away from the never-ending stack of “to-do” and “worry-about” and “status update,” and embrace the moment.

Kiss your cat, your kids, your dog, your partner, your spouse…heck, kiss your kindle and the book boyfriends that live in it and just live. We often look for happiness in those big moments—but life is made up of small moments, insignificant moments, that all paint that one chaotic and brilliant picture. So live today, right now, over your first or fifth cup of coffee. We can go back to worrying in just a minute.

Until next time.
xoxo

Kristen Kehoe is a wife, mother to a four-year-old girl and four-month-old puppy, teacher, romance author, and captain of the crazy train. Nice to meet you ;-)

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Cat Pee Patrol

If any of you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I love the crap out of my cat, Princess Lily Leaf Butt. She's the last of the 4 cats I had when I met my husband (we lost 3 to cancer over the course of 4 years), and she is spoiled beyond reasoning. She dines on venison and braised bunny because of her protein sensitivity (thank god for Hollywood Feed!), and she gets treats as soon as we get out of bed, and as soon as we get home from work. She even has her own little screened-in patio with flowers and a litter box that gets cleaned regularly by her human.

And yet, in that amazing ability all felines share to display positively unrestrained disdain, she still punishes us by going to the bathroom on anything soft we leave out for her.

She's even the reason we can no longer leave a bathmat out because - and trust me on this - there's nothing worse than stepping out of a shower onto a mat that steams and goes mush.

Peeing outside of the box is one of the major reasons people list as returning otherwise perfectly adoptable cats to shelters, too often leading to would-be companion animals eventually being lost to kill shelters. Granted, it takes a special person to handle delving into a cat's twisted psyche to diagnose the root of the problem, but since we're already used to her particular brand of adorable evil we decided to follow a few steps to suss out the problem.

1. First and foremost, make sure the box is clean. Cats are fastidious little devils and they like their throne to reflect the grandeur they feel they deserve. Some cats are less forgiving than others and may need a box cleaned thoroughly every day, not just scooped. 
2. If your box is clean and your cat is peeing somewhere it's not supposed to, take it to the vet as soon as possible. Urinary Tract Infections are extremely common and are frequent causes of potty issues in pets. Ear infections, pests, worms, and other ailments that cause your cat discomfort and may not be easy to see can also be the culprit. 
3. If your cat has a clean bill of health, make sure the litter box is in a "safe" location. Even if it's perfectly clean, your cat may not feel comfortable if the box is near a source of loud or sudden noises, or in a high-traffic area. It may even be in view of a window where other animals pass by, making your cat feel threatened during its daily constitutional. Try moving the box to quieter locations or even adding a second box somewhere else in the house. 

   

   One cushion is never enough for Princess Lily Leaf Butt

4. Is your cat peeing on YOUR clothing/bedding? People tend to believe that all cat urination outside the box is territorial (esp when it belongs to them), but more often than not it's because they associate that smell with you and it makes them feel safe. This goes back to #3. If they're seeking a safe place to go to the bathroom, then you might need to move their box.
5. If your cat pees on your jerk boyfriends shoes - you know, the one who doesn't like cats - well, then, your choices are clear. Dump the guy. Cats are smart.
6. Wherever your cat has peed (or if another pet has ever peed in a location), be sure to thoroughly clean the area. If it's on carpet, use white vinegar and let it soak all the way through to the pad, then blot the area after at least 10 minutes. I usually repeat this at least twice to make sure the smell is totally gone. If a cat smells pee anywhere in the house, it will seek it out as a place in the future.  That's why we have one room in the house where the cat can only hang out under supervision. And why I moved a heavy tool box into a weird spot in the floor...

Finally - remember that cats don't understand discipline or shaming the way a dog does. If you yell at a cat or try to punish it, you'll only scare the animal and probably drive it to more inappropriate peeing out of fear. #3 has ended up being the brunt of the problem in our house. She went from having a back yard full of prime poop spots to having only a single box. Hence the little "gifts" she started leaving throughout the house.

If your cat has you at your wits end on pee patrol, try going through these steps before doing anything drastic and you might end up with the relationship that every Fancy Feast commercial promises us cat ladies.

Anyone else have any tips to share?

Ah Rats!

Want a cheap pet? 

Meet Wilbur. He's a college-educated lab rat. 

My son, Caleb, got him for free at the end of his psychology clinical program. 

He had two choices: take Wilbur home or send him to the gas chamber. 

Of course, he brought him home. 

At first, I was freaked out. 

Caleb introduced us by telling me to go into his room and see what he got me for Mother's Day. My first thought was that he had a freaking snake. He knows I hate snakes. 

With much trepidation, I stepped into the room and this flash of white flew by. 

My second thought was my son had an infestation, and considering it's three guys living in a basement apartment...it wasn't outside the realm of possibility.

Then this creature, with its pink eyes, and long icky tail came right up to my feet and begged like a very small, very creepy little dog. 

Caleb was like, pick him up. 

I was like, no way! It's a freaking rat. 

He picked him up and set him on my shoulder, and Wilbur just sat there. 

So, I held him. He snuggled right in like a kitten. 

He's so lovable, you forget his kind were the cause of the plague.  

When you let him run, he comes right back when you call. As a matter of fact, he "checks in". He'll run around a while, then come back like he's making sure he still has someone to protect him from the cat. 

He's turned out to be a wonderful pet. He was free. He's friendly. He lives in a cage that needs cleaned less often than a guinea pig's. He mostly eats rat food, but also enjoys bites of apple, popcorn, peanuts, and whatever other bites of table food you have on hand. We don't give him anything with much salt or sugar because we've come to love this crazy little rat and want to keep him healthy as we can. 

Need a cheap pet that's friendly, space saving, and can eat just about anything?

Get a rat.